I'm offended!

I'm not really, I just wanted a catchy title.  Plus, I really want to have this discussion.  So I hope you will comment--constructively!

I've been thinking A LOT lately about different choice that can be made.  I do that sometimes...ok, all the time.  I analyze things and try to become better.  I really do.  I pray each day to know what Heavenly Father would like me to change and do differently and better.  It works.  I LOVE it.  I highly recommend it.

I feel like I'm digressing, let me get back to my point.  I find it interesting to observe how people react to each other.  I know that everyone is different but have you noticed that there are a few major personality types that emerge when people become offended? This has lead me to analyze myself when I become offended.

These are the four main reactions I see when someone is offended (for whatever reason):

1. The easy goer: This person just lets it roll off their back and continues to do the best they can.  They wonder if maybe there is truth in what was said.  If not, they just take it with a grain of salt for later use if needed.  They like to give people the benefit of the doubt and they are confident in their abilities as a child of God.  Sometimes they ask advice about situations from others, but people aren't mentioned, just situations and ideas.

2. The ignorer: This person ignores everything that offends them, but it bugs them in the back of their brain.  They try to come up with a solution, but when nothing comes, they shove their feelings down deep and ignore those, too.  Ignoring it usually ends in a huge blow up at some point.  Sometimes at someone who has nothing to do with the situation.

3. The whiner: This person just has to tell everyone and their dog about what happened.  The goal isn't to find a constructive solution, just to get everyone as miserable as they are.  While it is necessary to sometimes talk things out, to do so without a goal of finding a constructive fix is painfully pointless.  And sad.  And eventually lonely.

4. The destroyer: This person not only whines about what they feel is offensive, they actively seek to destroy other people.  Usually the person that offended them at first, but then they slowly section themselves off and do not see a need for change in themselves.  They want everyone to hate the offender--and if someone doesn't, everyone needs to hate that person, too.  This is the most vicious cycle.  And the destroyer is never happy and will never succeed because having that type of negative influence around is too much for anyone to handle all the time.

Ok, so after I had defined these ways of handling "offenses", I took a good hard look at myself.  I decided that any time I think I'm offended, I need to ask myself a few questions and then come to conclusions that logically follow the questions.  It turned into a flow chart thingy...

What do you think?  The one thing I didn't add was "difference of opinion" but I think that kinda goes along with "The person didn't mean it..." one because most people don't mean to have their opinions be offensive, and each is entitled to their own! Differences make us stronger, not weaker!

I also put the "I am doing something wrong" one at the top because I usually am not offended by a ton of stuff so if it's because I'm in the wrong, I need to change ASAP!

So, what are your thoughts on the subject?  How do you deal with being offended?  I really want to know--I want to learn more strategies to become better at handling it and becoming a happier person! :)  Comment below--I can't wait to read your ideas!

Getting Our BUTs in Gear 2014

Hi, friends!  I'm back and I'm hoping the share this post so much and get so many people on board with this idea that I've had that there will be no print, just words and an invitation today. :)

This year has started less than stellar.  My goal has been to focus more on the positive in 2014 and I think God is trying me mightily--He wants to see if I am serious.  And since I am, I've had an idea growing inside of me.  I hope that it is something that each of you will consider doing along with me so that we can strengthen one another as women.  And I guess men are more than welcome to join as well. ;)

So, as I've struggled the last week through the second illness of the year, I had a thought come to my mind.  I had been watching this video about girls who were participants, along with their mothers, in a study of what beauty is.  I was incredibly saddened as I listened to girls talk about things that had been said to them and women talk about issues they didn't want to perpetuate in their daughters.  The end up having this amazing photo gallery where people come and write nice things on their undoctored "selfie" shots. It was nice.  Why can't we be like that all the time?  Genuinely kind in our comments?

Then I watched this video about women who have overcome different life trials and want to seek the good.  Could I be the same as woman #2 who really couldn't brag about myself for a minute?  Hmmm...

Lastly, I watched the video below.  I love the message and I knew I needed to be reclaimed...



I started thinking about how I self talk.  You know, what you say about yourself.  I am really proud of some of the things I accomplish, but I don't always admit it to myself and I rarely share good news with anyone beside my husband.  Sometimes my family and a few close friends, but now very many people.  Isn't that a shame?!  What an opportunity to share with others how good God is to me and how He has blessed my life!  What a selfish way to thank Him.  I also thought about all the unkind things I internalize on a daily, hourly, sometimes minute by minute basis and realized that it was the same selfishness.  I am a daughter of God.  He made me.  He loves me.  And I am enough as I try daily to better myself.  I need to share that more, too!

After that, I started thinking about how my attitude towards myself is reflected in how I view others.  I realized that I will grudgingly allow certain people their "one good quality" and then list in my mind all the things I dislike about them at times.  I'm sure you've done it, too.  If not, good for you!  PLEASE JOIN THIS--I need your help!  It's time for me to get my BUTs in gear.

Here's an example of what I'm talking about.  I don't particularly like everything that everyone around me does all the time.  But guess what, we're human, right?  Well, I've gotten into this habit of saying things like, "Well I know she helps in such and such a way, BUT ALL THESE BAD THINGS SHE DID (to me or others) DON'T BALANCE THAT 'one good quality' OUT."

Hmmm...judging.  Yep.  THAT IS JUDGING.  And it is NOT ok.  What if, instead, when someone did something HUMAN (like I do, right), I said, "She did this bad thing that I don't like, BUT she does all these good things!"  That sounds so much nicer.  And so much more positive!

My goal is to eventually get rid of BUTs and only see the good.  It will be hard.  If this month has proven anything to me, IT WILL BE HARD.  BUT (this is a good one of those), I think it will be worth it.  I've learned that the hardest things I've done have been the most rewarding.

So, here's my invitation to you.  Join me!  Each Friday, I'll add a linky to my BUTs post where you can add a story or short post, or whatever you like from anywhere you can link from that will encourage us to get our BUTs in gear.  It could be a story on how you learned to love yourself that week.  Or you child(ren), or someone around you.  Husband love!  Neighbor love!  EVERYONE love!  Let's get our lives reclaimed by God so that His love can shine through us and we can be a power for GOOD in a world that so desperately needs it!

I hope you join me!  If you'd like to, please add a link to your blog or other online presence below so that I can leave you some love!  I want to make this HUGE, so please grab the blog badge up top and add it to your blog--it should be linked back to here, but if not, let me know  Let's get our BUTs in gear in 2014, all!

I'll be back on Friday with by first BIG (BUTs in Gear) post!  Hope you join me again then! :)

I'm linking this up with: Time Warp Wife, Growing Home: Teach Me Tuesday, Titus 2 Tuesday, Wise Woman Link Up.

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Doing Things the Lord's Way

It's a sad fact that people just don't always get along.  The thing that really bothers me personally is when people cannot look past what they think should be done in a situation and see the good that others do.

When we tear others down and only see bad, we are not acting like Christians.  Everyone does good but doing good doesn't necessarily mean doing is the way you would have done it.

When someone does something a different way than you would do it, that's okay.  We are all different.  BUT, when you can't look past the way YOU want things done and/or you criticize others, you are not on the Lord's side.

Here is the difference between the natural man 

and the Lord when it comes to this issue~

In conclusion, let's stop judging others.  Let's stop telling people how they should do things.  Let's stop telling people they need to change.

Let's judge ourselves and repent.  Let's focus on the callings we have and magnify them instead of wasting time judging the way other's do their callings.  Let's change ourselves.

I know that when we do this, we will see the good in others and become more Christian Christians.  We will find unity in each other and all will feel happy, loved, needed, and wanted.  Isn't that what we all want?

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