Family, Friends, & Fellowship: Family Home Evening Organization

 

Tell me if this scene brings up some memories.  You have the most AMAZING idea for family home evening!  You are trying to do better at having family home evening each Monday night as it hasn't been something your family has done regularly and you want to do better.  You know that the lesson you have prepared will be needed by your family and that it will be fun for all involved.  You've actually spent hours preparing and you can't wait--this will be the best family home evening ever and it will definitely increase the unity in your home!  You make dinner.  Everyone comes to the table, eats quickly, and expect to go about their business.  You tell your husband that you have something prepared this week for family home evening.  He tries to gather the children into the living room and the grumbling begins.  Tommy has homework.  Melissa wanted to call her friend to talk about their shopping trip coming up later that week.  Brad wanted to finish up his game on the Wii.  Nobody is happy.  Your husband, meaning well, loudly states, "Mom has prepared this for us, and we are going to listen!"  It doesn't go well.  You feel that you have failed.  You end early because you cannot handle the bickering and contention any longer.  You go to your bedroom and cry a prayer to your Father in Heaven.

Oookay.  Anyone?  You don't have to raise your hand, although I am flattered if you did! ;)  So, what do you think went wrong here?  You were prepared!  But it all went horribly wrong... I've got some tips that might help you to handle this craziness as well as help your family enjoy time together in a more peaceful setting!  I hope that some of these tips help you in your quest for family unity!

1. Start early.  What do I mean by this?  I mean that if you are a newlywed, start having family home evening each Monday NOW.  There are guidelines for what a family home evening entail found HERE.  It applies to all family types.  My DH and I have no children of our own, but we strive to have a regular family home evening because we know the importance of it in our lives and in the lives of children that may yet bless our home.  Another way that "start early" could be that you need to have family home evening with your children starting from when they are first born.  Your children can at least be present.  Even newborns know when they feel the Spirit and all family members need to be included in this important family time.  Also, start family home evening early on in the evening!  7:00pm may be okay for a family that contains just a couple, but it may be too late to start when you have young children who need sleep or have school early in the morning.  Remember this counsel from President Gordon B. Hinckley, "What is the great strength of [this] Church? … It is the emphasis which we place on families. … Keep your families close together..."

2. Be consistent.  Don't give up, friends!  Make sure that family home evening happens EVERY SINGLE WEEK.  It can be something as quick as, let's discuss what is going on this week so that we're all on the same page, read scriptures, say prayers, go to bed.  It can be more involved.  But make sure that family home evening is something EXPECTED by all family members.  Handbook 2 tells us, "Latter-day prophets have counseled parents to hold a weekly family home evening to teach their children the gospel, bear testimony of its truthfulness, and strengthen family unity." (emphasis added by me)  President Gordon B. Hinckley has also told us, "[The Lord] expects us to have family home evening—one night a week to gather our children together and teach them the gospel. Isaiah said, ‘And all thy children shall be taught of the Lord.’ That is the commandment: ‘All thy children shall be taught of the Lord.’ And the blessing: ‘And great,’ he said, ‘shall be the peace of thy children’ [Isa. 54:13]."

3. Work together.  Don't do it all yourself!  You have a spouse and possibly children that can help you with the responsibilities of family home evening.  If you need to, create a chart or other means to assign tasks for family home evening.  If you don't  need this because you have the most willing family ever, then make sure that your husband is the one taking the lead.  He is the Priesthood head in your home and it is his responsibility to gather and conduct family home evening.  Handbook 2 states, "Family home evening is sacred, private family time under the direction of the parents."  If your husband is unable/unwilling/delegates this task to you, take it on with a happy and willing attitude!  But, there is absolutely no reason why you should have to do it all yourself!  Elder Claudio R. M. Costa has said, "Family home evening is a very special time for us to strengthen ourselves and each family member. It is important to include the whole family in assignments for family home evening. A child could share the Primary lesson that he or she had last Sunday. Family home evening strengthened the faith and testimony of my own family."  Everyone can help!

4. Have a good attitude.  Attitude is everything.  I feel that I am always pushing that here on this blog, but it is such a vital part of everything we do!  If you show that you are excited to have family home evening and try to keep this good attitude up each and every week despite any interruptions (aka the bad mood of a teenager, the horrible day you've endured, your husband coming home tired, etc.).  President James E. Faust has said, "Unity in the Church will always be a reflection of the unity in our homes."  Unity comes from the attitudes we portray in our every day lives.  What does your attitude about family home evening tell your family about the unity you wish for in your home?  What does your attitude about your home life in general say to Father in Heaven and how does this effect your ward, stake, etc.? 

5. Have fun!  Take time to have fun with your family!  The most memorable family home evenings that I remember from my childhood and youth included some type of fun.  The most memorable one is when we had Family Olympics.  My poor mother was so sick of little tasks that are needed to make a house run being left undone.  Things like putting new toilet paper on the holder, putting clean clothes away, loading the dishwasher after eating.  So, she had us do "Family Olympics" where she timed us on these tasks.  I got the gold medal in all of the events!  BUT--not only did it teach us how little time it takes to do these tasks, it was FUN! :)  So remember to have fun with your family.  Elder Dallin H. Oaks has given us a good guideline to follow if we are unsure if what we have planned is an appropriate way to have fun together as a family.  He said, "Good choices are especially important in our family life. For example, how do family members spend their free time together? Time together is necessary but not sufficient. Priorities should govern us in the precious time we give to our family relationships. Compare the impact of time spent merely in the same room as spectators for television viewing with the significance of time spent communicating with one another individually and as a family."

So, there you have it, friends!  I hope that some of these tips help you in your weekly quest to have family home evening.  I personally know that as we strive to do this, it will be easier, it will be more enjoyable, it will strengthen our families and bring unity to our homes.  Have a fabulous weekend, a restful Sabbath, and an amazing family home evening on Monday!  Blessings and have a fabulous day! :)

Family, Friends, & Fellowship: Service in Marriage

Hello! Welcome to another segment in my Family, Friends, & Fellowship series!  This week, I will be talking about the incredibly important need for service in our marriages.

A lot of what I will be sharing is personal and I want you to know that I am not sharing these things so that you think that I have a "perfect" marriage and that my husband and I are "perfect" spouses!  My DH and I have issues that pop up every now and then, we're human!  BUT, I am sharing these things to show you that it is POSSIBLE and it is IMPORTANT.  I feel that I have an amazing marriage, but I know that I could also consider it an awful marriage if my attitude and actions were differently.  So, let's get down to it, shall we?

Isn't this a darling picture?! ;D

I'd like to start out by asking you some questions about your marriage.  This is personal.  Just think of the answers in your head.  Be HONEST with yourself.

1. Do you ever feel that your spouse doesn't appreciate your efforts?
2. Do you ever feel that your spouse doesn't help you in the demands in your life?
3. Do you ever feel that you are not good enough for your spouse?
4. Do you ever feel that you do ALL the work in your marriage?
5. Do you ever fell that you can't do anything right?

I said yes to a few of those.  I tried to ask questions on a broad spectrum to include everyone in answering YES to at least one.  I'm sure you did--don't lie to yourself!  Okay, do you want to know a way to help with YOUR attitude (you can only change you...)?  The answer is simple--service!

You cannot change anyone in your marriage except for YOU.  If you'd like to know exactly what type of a spouse you should be, listen to the words of President James E. Faust, "I urge husbands and fathers of this Church to be the kind of men your wives would not want to be without. I urge the sisters of this Church to be patient, loving, and understanding with their husbands. Those who enter into marriage should be fully prepared to establish their marriage as the first priority in their lives."

 Marriage is the FIRST priority in our lives.  Not second after our calling or the kids, not third after ourselves and the kids or our calling and the kids.  FIRST.  Men and women are different.  You have to understand that in order to have a good marriage, and service is a way to help you realize how important your spouse is to you and your Father in Heaven.

There are so many ways that you can serve daily in your marriage, it just takes a little effort!  It gets easier as you understand your spouse better and what is important to him/her.  Let me give you an example from my wonderful husband.

I work for the local school district with children who have special needs.  It is incredibly stressful and I am exhausted when I get home and feel like there is no time to get things done most of the time.  I also like to be prepared for the morning so that I can just be ready to go after showering and dressing.  There are nights when I am in the middle of a project and forget that I need to make my lunch for the next day.  Most of the time when this happens, I'll make my way to the kitchen feeling incredibly frustrated.  On almost all of these occasions, my DH has made my lunch for me.  He knows that it is something that is important to me.  I could get up in the morning and make my lunch, but because  he knows that I like to have it made the night before, he supports my desire and makes up for my inability to get to it when I'd like to.  He's awesome!

Now, I want you to know something--your spouse might not do this for you, but don't get upset!  If this is something that you'd like them to do, all you need to do is ask nicely!  BUT, I will tell you that they will be more willing to help you out if you've already been helping them.

I help my husband with his lunches by packaging up left overs from dinner--this way he can grab what he wants and put it in his lunch box the next morning.  He doesn't like me to "pack" his lunch, but he appreciates my packaging up leftovers so he can choose his lunch each morning.  I also try to leave kind notes in his lunchbox.  After about 5 years of marriage and me doing this, imagine my surprise when I opened my lunch at work and saw a note from him to me!!!  Did I complain that I did something for him that he didn't do for me?  Nope.

Marriage is not about you do this for me and then I'll do this for you.  It's about service and helping each other.  And now, some marriage math!  Each marriage partner needs to give 100%, not just 50%, to their marriage.  Now, it's never going to be "equal" in the sense that service is the same.  Also, there are times when we need to give 115% because our spouse can only give 85% because work is stressful or there are other pressures on them at the time.  But try as hard as you can to always give 100% because you never know when you'll need your spouse to make up for your lacking!  It takes work...

Elder Bruce C. Hafen has said, "Temple marriage covenants do not magically bring equality to a partnership. Those covenants commit us to a developmental process of learning and growing together—by practice....equal partnerships are not made in heaven—they are made on earth, one choice at a time, one conversation at a time, one threshold crossing at a time. And getting there is hard work."

Equal does not mean the same.  We know that 2+2 is equal to 4.  But both sides of the equation are not the same.  It's the same in our marriages--when each person strives to serve to the best of their ability, the equation will be the same on both sides even if they look different.  You equation may look something like this:

1 hour at home + 2 jobs + 1 calling = 1 day at home + 2 children to look after + 1 calling

or

1 husband who is a bishop + 1 meal eaten at home + 1 job = 1 wife + 1 great day of cooking + 1  job

or

1 spouse struggling with depression = 1 spouse doing all the work needed to live

Do you see how the numbers work out, even if the service is different? It takes a personal choice to see the equality in our marriages even if we don't feel it always.  But when each person is doing their best to serve at 100%, marriages will be strengthened and become happier and more functional.

I hope that the things I've talked about today have helped you.  I know that even when dealing with someone that you feel is "difficult" that the best way to come to love them is to serve them.  This is how to show Christ-like love and how we can keep the Savior's commandment to "...love one another, as I have loved you." (John 15:12)  There is no other institution that is more important to keep this commandment in than in our marriages is my testimony.

Please take some time today to ponder how service can help uplift your marriages and turn your home into a haven from the world.  Have a wonderful day! :)

Family, Friends, & Fellowship: The Importance of Visiting Teaching

I have come across a lot of sisters in my life who tell me that they are "too busy" to do their visiting teaching.  I'm not judging.  I'm concerned.  Ever since I was 18 and assigned my first visiting teaching route, I realized the importance of visiting teaching.  I have not always been the best at it and I've never been perfect at it.  Yes, I've contacted the sisters I am assigned to visit each month, but this isn't the 100% I'm talking about.

President Henry B. Eyring has said, "The only system which could provide succor and comfort across a church so large in a world so varied would be through individual servants near the people in need. The Lord had seen that coming from the beginning of Relief Society. He set a pattern in place. Two Relief Society sisters accept their assignment to visit another as a call from the Lord."

Succor and comfort.  This is not accomplished by just going to someones house once a month for the token visit or making a phone call once and reporting that we couldn't get a hold of the sister.  While each situation is different, we should make EVERY EFFORT to become friends with those we visit.

From www.lds.org:

"We will know we are successful in our ministry as visiting teachers when the sisters we visit can say:

• My visiting teacher helps me grow spiritually.
• I know that my visiting teacher cares deeply about me and my family.
• If I have problems, I know my visiting teacher will take action without waiting to be invited."

Now, I have one thing to say about the last one before we go on--you cannot take action without being invited if you do not have the proper relationship in place.  This comes as we find ways to serve the sisters we visit in other ways besides the "traditional" ways.  Here are some things to consider when you pray about the sisters you visit:

*Visits in the home are essential, yes, but what about the sister that doesn't like people seeing the inside of her home?   Consider taking this sister out to lunch if you can afford it or invite her to your home so that you can talk.  Meet somewhere that the sister feels comfortable with.  I speak from personal experience.  I have gone through a seriously stressful time and I have a very hard time allowing people into my home because during this time, my home was not the haven it should have been.  There were people constantly going in and out of my home judging me and not appreciating things that were going on in my life.  So, I have serious trust issues with who I allow into my home.  Is that right?  I don't know.  Is it wrong?  I don't think so.  Do what the sister you visit is comfortable with.  And don't be discouraged if you are unable to meet in their home each month!

*Phones are an important part of life.  I don't know one person who would dislike getting a phone call randomly just to see how he/she is doing.  This applies to text messages, too.  Now, I believe that talking is incredibly important, but there have been times that texting a sister has been invaluable.  There are times when sisters cannot talk about something, but feel comfortable writing it down.  Utilize your phone--you never know when a text message or phone call could be just the thing that changes a bad day into a great day.

*Give of yourself!  You have been given talents that are to be used to uplift those around you.  My talent is crafting/card making.  I like to make cards for my sisters just because.  I send them out throughout the month when I feel they're most needed.  Which could be anytime!  The best thing about giving something tangible to the sisters you visit is that they will have a physical reminder that they are loved by you.  They can look at whatever you've given them and see the time you spent making something for THEM.  It doesn't have to be a craft.  It could be flowers.  It could be food.  It could be a favorite recipe.  It could be helping them become self reliant by teaching cleaning and organizational skills.  What are your talents?  Use them!

*Facebook and the internet are good, but they are not for everyone.  I personally feel that if you want to get a hold of someone, the best way is to talk to them.  The internet is NEVER a good medium to get a hold of someone.  Emails get rerouted or never sent.  Some people don't want to friend a ton of other people on Facebook.  Some people aren't on the internet much.  So, while it is a good idea to use Facebook and the internet as an occasional tool, NEVER USE IT AS YOUR ONLY TOOL.

So, those are my two cents.  Please know that these are my personal opinions and that you must do what is right for the sisters YOU visit.  Each sister is a unique and beloved daughter of our Father in Heaven and deserves to be treated with love and respect.  Don't do what is best for you--do what is best for her!  I hope these ideas help you as your strive to become the best visiting teacher you can be!