Teaching Tykes: The Pitfall of Rewarding Sad Choices and How to Fix the Problem

So, I was released on Sunday from being a primary teacher.  BUT, I'll still be posting gospel teaching tips each Tuesday that I can get around to it and you may see lesson helps every now and then since my DH was not released.  This week, though, we'll just talk about some gospel teaching tips as we have Stake Conference and my DH doesn't have to teach on Sunday.

Before I start, though, I want you to know that I still want to hear from you!!!  If you're having issues and want some advice, I am more than willing to try and help you out if you're at your wits end!  Just email me and I will try to get back to you as soon as I can!  Hope to hear from you soon!!!

Think this is wishful thinking?  It doesn't have to be!

 Ooookay, so that said, I want to talk about a pet peeve of mine--when people reward sad choices in others.  It's a pitfall.  It will make bad behavior worse.  It ruins trust you may have had with other class members and creates a chaotic atmosphere.  In conclusion, it is extremely counter productive.

If you'd like an example, then I will give you one.  Let's say that you have a child in your class that will not sit in their chair and continually gets up and tries to run out of the room.  This is neither appropriate nor safe.  What do you do?  You could just allow the child to leave the room and do whatever it is they want to.  Doing this shows the child that they are in control and don't have to follow the rules.  You could even take it one step further and allow them to participate in something fun that technically you should have chosen another child who was behaving appropriately to do.  This tells the other children in your class that sad choices are what gets them attention and that this is the behavior you'll reward.  End result to these inappropriate responses?  Extremely dysfunctional class times with inappropriate behavior from all the children present.  You've taught the kids that you are not in control and that they can do whatever they want to and that you will reward sad choices.  Counter productive to what you should be teaching them.  I'm not saying to never choose that child to participate.  I'm saying that they will have to give you a large amount of time behaving appropriately before you will reward their behavior.  This is part of teaching children the repentance process as well.

So, what should you do instead?  The appropriate response would be to continually instruct the child to sit in their chair and help them to it if needed.  If there is a rule that you have to act nicely to be called on to participate, this child should not be chosen.  If they throw a fit, remind them that if they want to be chosen to participate, they need to make happy choices.  The result?  The child who was behaving inappropriately understands that there are rules and boundaries in your class.  They will push the limits a few more times but you need to be consistent.  They will see that no matter what, there is structure in your class and that they can count on it to be a safe environment.  The other students who behave appropriately will be rewarded accordingly and will continue to act in a safe and orderly manner. 

Okay, have I made myself clear? ;)  What happens when you reward sad choices?  MORE sad choices.  What happens when you have expectations and reward happy choices?  MORE happy choices and an orderly classroom. 

Where did I learn this?  From the scriptures--"Inasmuch as ye shall keep my commandments ye shall prosper in the land; but inasmuch as ye will not keep my commandments ye shall be cut off from my presence." 2 Nephi 1:20.  The Lord rewards us when we make good/happy choices.  He does not reward poor/sad choices.  Period.  No exceptions.  No excuses.  We CAN do it.  So can the children in our class--but we have to have expectations before this can happen.  YOU can do it!  I hope you take the time to think about this and how you can utilize it in your homes/callings/lives.  I know that you will be happier if you do!  See you again soon! :)

Teaching Tykes: I Will Obey the Law

Wow.  I am so not ready for this week!  We just got back and I go back to work tomorrow, so this will be another short post--sorry!

Tip for teaching the gospel in the home this week: Understand how your children learn.  Each person on this earth is unique and therefore learns in a different way from others.  This is why the church has so many materials available for our use.  Take time to pray about each of your children so that you can understand how they individually learn so that you can teach them as individuals and be more effective.  This applies to our Primary children as well.  Our Father in Heaven knows each of His children perfectly and so He should be the very first person we talk to about any issues or concerns we have.  After we talk to Him, we may need to talk to the child's earthly parents as well, but I know that as I've prayed about my Primary children that I've come to understand how to help each one as individuals and we have a much happier class because of it!  Find the perfect answers from the perfect parent of all mankind.

Okay, this week's lesson is Primary 2: Lesson 31: I Will Obey the Law.  Notice how there's NO QUESTION in that title?  I found that interesting. Find the lesson helps HERE.

How I'd teach this lesson:

*I will take plastic farm animals that I have and let each child choose one, name it, and place it on the table.  I will encircle the animals with the plastic fence that came with the animal set when the time comes.

*I will let the children choose the laws that are in the lesson from a bag and we can discuss how they keep us safe.

*I will use the rules card from the helps to explain the rules and then display them so the children remember how to play the "Obeying the Law" game.

*For "just in case we have time" I will prepare Enrichment Activities 2 &3.

Hope this helps--have a restful Sabbath everyone! :)

Teaching Tykes: Obedience

My teaching the gospel in the home tip for this week is to create an atmosphere where the Spirit can be present.  Do this by keeping your surroundings clean, viewing and listening to uplifting media, and having pictures of the Savior, the temple, and other church media in your home.   I have found that a lot of gospel teaching moments can happen when a child asks about pictures that are up in the home.  Try having a frame in a special family area that you can change pictures from the Gospel Art Kit out easily in order to encourage gospel learning.

This will be quite quick as I am on "vacation" for a family wedding. ;)  This week's lesson will be Primary 2: Lesson 30: I Can Be Obedient.  Find my lesson helps HERE.

Short and sweet--how do we teach children obedience?  By obeying God.  Think about that this week as you prepare your lesson.

How I would teach the lesson:

*I would play a game about things Heavenly Father has asked us to do by having the children choose a picture from a bag.  The pictures are in the lesson helps. :)

*I would have the children color their own "I Can Obey" badges--found in the lesson helps.

*I would prepare Enrichment Activities 2, 3, and 5.

Sorry so short--hope to be back more fully next week! ;)  Have a wonderful day!!!

Teaching Tykes: I Can Be A Good Example PLUS A Tip on Gospel Teaching in the Home

Well, I will be gone for two weeks and therefore will not be teaching, but I will still post the helps, etc.! :)  I've also been asked by a reader to talk about some ways to make teaching the gospel a main focus in our homes and so I will be including one tip each week that will hopefully help you in your homes as well as a teacher.

We'll start with the tip (it goes along with this week's lesson, too)--ATTITUDE IS EVERYTHING.  Scripture reference to go along with this teaching tip is from the Doctrine & Covenants.  In section 58 verse 27 we learn that, "...men should be anxiously engaged in a good cause, and do many things of their own free will, and bring to pass much righteousness..."  When you look up the foot not for anxiously, the word that is at the end of the list to look up is zeal.  When we are truly living the gospel, we have a zeal for it!  We are excited to live the gospel!  When our children see that gospel living makes us happy and that we want to do it, they will follow our examples.  On the other hand, if you are constantly overwhelmed and upset about the work that you have been given/chosen to do, this is how your children will act.  Now, if you need to talk to someone about the load you bear, your spouse is there.  But never complain in front of the children.  And YOU need to do what is right for your family.  If you are truly overwhelmed, tell your Father in Heaven and follow His guidance as to what to do about it.  Choices effect your attitude and ATTITUDE IS EVERYTHING!  This is the first step to making gospel teaching the center of your home.

Let Your Light Shine!

Isn't this darling?!  Find it here or use the coloring page in the helps!

Now, onto the lesson!  It's Primary 2: Lesson 29: I Can Be a Good Example.  I'll just get straight to how I'd teach the lesson as I've already talked about what our example should be for those we teach above. ;)  Find the helps HERE.

*I would bring a real candle and a battery operated candle to show the children that even when the battery powered candle is on, you can't see it under the basket.

*Instead of paper candles, I would use birthday candles with the names on tags and a blank one for each child in my class.  I would put them into a pot with foam in it and have each child take out the two in front (with the names on them) first and tell the stories.  These candles would have a different colored tag than the blank tagged candles.  Then after the stories, I'd hand each one out of the pot--the one with their name on it--and keep the one with my name on it and have them read the names one by one.  I would have each child say one thing they could do to be a good example.

*The coloring page would be the candle image in my helps.

*I would do Enrichment Activities 2 & 4 if there was left over time.

I hope this post helps you!  Good luck, please email me if you have any questions and THANK YOU for all your kind comments and amazing feedback--you make my blogging so worthwhile and I LOVE it! :)

Teaching Tykes: Kindness Matters

Welcome to the first official week of Teaching Tykes! ;)  I hope that these posts will help you as you teach Primary each week--it's a really hard calling!

This week's lesson is Primary 2: Lesson 28: I Can Be Kind.  The purpose of this lesson is to teach the children in your class that they can be kind to others.

Here's an aside--have you noticed how many times Church publications say that people CAN do things?  I think that sometimes we think that somethings are too hard.  But guess what?!  YOU CAN!  Heavenly Father sent us here because He knows that we CAN return to Him!  Just a little motivational pep talk... :)

So, how do we, as teachers, show the importance of being kind to others?  Obviously you've all just said aloud or in your smart brains that it is by example!  I have a few tips that may help you in your quest to become more kind.

Ignore sad choices.  This is really hard.  Sometimes I think that we feel that we have to continually correct the children we teach.  May I offer an alternative?  Praise the GOOD/HAPPY choices!  If you find that your class is so out of control that you cannot even think straight, find the ONE thing that ONE of the children is doing correctly and be completely over the top with your praise.  Children are people pleasers.  They want to be praised.  Let me give you a personal example.

One week, our class was out of control (not completely, just fidgeting , not listening, etc.)  One child was sitting quietly.  Although I knew she wasn't technically listening to the lesson, she was sitting nicely (which is one of our class rules).  I stopped the lesson (nobody was listening, anyway) and immediately praised this little girl for her happy choice.  Here's how my praise went (name changed), "Oh, Lisa!!!  I am SOOOOOO happy that you are sitting quietly in our chair!  You are following the class rule so perfectly!  I am SOOOOOO grateful that you are trying to be a reverent example for your classmates!  Thank you SOOOOOO much, Lisa!  I just LOVE having you in my class--it's SOOOOO nice to have such a good example for all my friends to follow!" 

Over the top?  You betcha!  Did it make a difference?  Completely.  As I praised this little girl, each child realized what they were doing wrong and stopped.  As they did, I would say things such as, "Oh, and now Jack is sitting nicely, too!  Thank you Jack!  Oh, and look, Mary is following the rules now, too!  I am so glad the my friends all know how to make happy choices!  Now we'll be able to finish our wonderful lesson!"

I was kind.  I didn't FEEL kind inside--I was a bit upset and impatient in my brain.  What I WANTED to do was go on a rant about how we'd been repeating the class rules at the beginning of class for the past 4 months and that these children should know what was expected by now.  But, I chose to show kindness.  And it made all the difference in the world.

Be aware of your tone and volume of voice and the words you say.  Now, you can't always ignore sad choices.  When a child starts to hurt themself or others around them, correcting must be made--and quickly.  BUT, you will be much more successful with children if you use an even but firm tone of voice.  Shrieking at them or using an angry tone to tell them "NO!" will not help as much as taking the child aside (this is why I am such a HUGE advocate of team teaching) and calmly telling them what they SHOULD be doing before offering correction.  Here's an example that I've made up (although it's probably happened sometime during my work with children) that could help you.

Jason is angry.  He doesn't want to be at Primary and he is mad that you've "made him" come to class.  He has been acting out throughout the lesson and you've been doing your best to ignore him and praise the good you see in the other children.  Because he is not getting the attention he wants, Jason kicks Emily in the shin as hard as he can.  PAUSE.  Take a mental deep breath.  Take Jason out into the hall and explain that feet are for walking.  They can help us swim.  They can help us run quickly.  Feet are NOT for hurting our friends.  It is okay to be angry about things that we cannot change.  BUT, it is NOT okay for us to use that anger to hurt our friends or to make it hard for our friends to learn.  Give Jason a warning that the next time he kicks, he will have to go and spend time with a member of the Primary Presidency and that you might have to talk to his mom and dad about it if he makes another sad choice that hurts his friends.  Jason returns to class.  He is sullen for the rest of the lesson, but there are no more incidents of violence.

You may think this was a failure.  Jason was still mad and probably didn't get anything out of the lesson.  You may have weeks of this behavior.  But do you know something?  When you are consistent, the children realize it, know what to expect, and will rise to your expectations.  I promise that if you are consistent with your discipline in your classroom and that if you do so in a kind manner that you will see a change.  Eventually, Jason will become your greatest classroom helper and will LOVE you more than any other teacher he's had.  All because you showed kindness during disciplinary action.

And a tidbit on volume--if the kids get loud, you need to get soft.  YOU are the example of what is expected in your class.  If the children are so loud that you cannot teach and nobody is learning, take a break from teaching and play "If you can hear me."  This game goes a little like this (in a whisper tone), "If you can hear me, touch your nose.  Thank you, Kathy, for touching your nose!  If you can hear me, touch your ear.  Thank you, Julie!  You are listening!  If you can hear me, touch your toes.  Oh, Jason and Robert, thank you for joining us!" Continue this until all the children are showing that they are listening and then end by saying, "If you can hear me, fold your arms.  Thank you all for listening!  We are ready to finish our wonderful lesson!"  This especially works with younger children, but some of the older children may need something similar to help them be more reverent.

Be a team player.  This is hard for me.  I tend to want to just do things MY way because I know that they work and that I will maintain a reverent atmosphere if I just do things myself.  I'm working on it.  And it is HARD FOR ME.  You might be the exact opposite.  You might allow other adults to take care of all the issues that you have with the children in your class.  You and I need to find middle ground, friend!

Teamwork is important in the work of God.  We cannot do all things by ourselves. We need others.  We learn from them, gain different perspectives about things, and learn to get along with others.  All of these attitudes are important in the building of Zion.  When we show the children in our class that we want to be a team player and help those around us, they realize that kindness can persevere even in the wake of upheaval.  Because, let's face it.  There ARE those weeks.  And you know who needs more help working with children because they are unsure of themselves.  Always be willing to help.  And help WILLINGLY and KINDLY.  It's a work in process.  We don't get along with everyone.  BUT, we should always treat others kindly--especially when children are watching us.  And, believe me.  They ARE watching us.

So, that's my two cents for the week!  Hopefully these things help.  I did have a question--would videos on how to implement some of these things help?  Because I am a visual learner and need to see how things are done before I can really utilize them.  Let me know--I can look into trying to make some.

Let's get to the lesson helps!  Find the printable helps HERE.  And now I'll share how I'll be teaching this lesson:

*We didn't have time to color our picture this last week, and so I challenged the children to bring back a picture of them sharing in some way.  If any of the children do this, I will have them share it with us at the beginning of the lesson.

*Since I don't have cut-outs, I will use the ones that the church has--they're in my printable file. :)

*Since we have a large class and a small room, we won't be able to do the role play.  SO, we'll share a church video on the story and have a "pop quiz" about it by doing an activity on the board where we have the picture of the person on one side and what they did on the other.  I will have the children tell me where to draw the lines to.  These are in the printable helps.

*We will sing "Kindness Begins With Me" as our closing song.  This will help reinforce the point of the lesson.

*As a "just in case there is time" effort, I'll have pictures of different people (in the printable helps) and the children can choose one and tell how they can be kind to that person.

That's all for me this week!!! I hope that these things are helping you be more successful as a Primary teacher!  Have a restful Sabbath! :)