Love & Loyalty

I'm a pretty visual learner.  Sometimes things are told to me, and I just forget them.  When I see something, though, it usually sticks.  There are times when I'm scrolling through social media and something screams to me, "PAY ATTENTION TO ME!  I'M IMPORTANT!"  That's what happened with the graphic below.  Read it and then think about it for just a little bit.  Then read my feelings about this quote...

Loyalty is a tricky thing to accomplish sometimes.  Sometimes someone we are loyal towards has disappointed us. OUCH.  That really hurts, doesn't it?  But I think that loyalty overcomes that disappointment.  I want to break down loyalty that should occur in our daily lives.  Hopefully I say something that makes you think! :)

Firstly, we should be loyal to God. This means keeping all covenants that we have made with Him.  It also means trusting His wisdom as we go through life.  This is difficult at times due to the fact that life is HARD.  Now, don't tell me you're life is all lollipops and rainbows.  I will not believe you.  Life is HARD.  Life is MESSY.  Life throws MAJOR curve-balls at us.  But, if we are working on becoming our best selves and keeping the commandments, we should be loyal to God and His plan for us.

Next, we should be loyal to ourselves.  This can be the hardest thing to do, especially for us women.  The truth of the matter, though, is that you cannot truly love someone and be loyal to them unless you love yourself and are loyal to yourself first.  You have to know that, as you are keeping commandments and trying your best, you will be guided in your life.  Nobody should make you question your motives if you know they are done for good.  Nobody can make you feel worthless without your permission.  DO NOT GIVE IT TO THEM.

Third of all, let's talk about loyalty to our spouse.  It is very tempting at times to complain about what your significant other does.  I believe that if you share a concern with your spouse, it strengthens the relationship.  Sometimes your spouse is not willing to work on the issue.  Give them time.  Continually lift them up and speak kindly about them to others.  If the issue at hand is vitally important, seek guidance from one confidential source.  Do not spread your heartbreak and disappointment around.  This can lead to so many more problems.  When you were married, you made promises.  Be the person who keeps them, even when it is hard.  

In addition to our spouse, we should be loyal to our entire family.  You carry a name that has been passed down for generations.  What do other people think about that name?  Do your actions make them want to be a part of your family?  Does your behavior set a good example for others?  Do you speak kindly about and to your children?  Your parents?  Your siblings?  Your other family members?  If not, consider making a change.  Families are meant to help and lift each other.  If you don't have this in your family, YOU be the change you want to see!  As you become more loyal to your family name, others in your family will follow suit.

Our friends are also people who deserve our loyalty.  A true friendship is a rare find.  It's like tripping over a giant diamond when you were out for your daily walking of the dog.  If you want to build friendships that are based in loyalty, they have to begin with positive ground.  You cannot have a genuine friendship over a mutual dislike of something or someone.  When you show your negative side first, that is what will stick in the mind of the person with whom you are acquainting yourself.  They will remember this the first time they do something remotely annoying and flee in fear that your judgment will turn on them.  Don't be that person.  Be the person who is kind and loving, who sees the good in all.  Be loyal to those you call friend.  Do not allow others to speak unkindly about them.  Stand up for them and be true.

Finally, I want to talk about something that you may not have thought of.  If you work, it is necessary to be loyal to your employer.  This doesn't mean you have to agree with everything they do, but it does mean keeping your commitments.  Being on time, only taking time off when it is necessary, having a good attitude, and being a good follower are ways to be loyal to your employer.  When you hear someone complaining about the boss, either walk away or say something positive!  Don't get dragged down by the office gossip that happens all too frequently.  Be loyal to the person you work for.  It always pays off!

I know that we could spend time talking about each and every relationship that we have and the role that loyalty plays, but we won't take that time today.  I know that I'll be spending more time pondering this topic and I hope you will, too!  Leave me a comment to let me know your thoughts--I love to learn and grow from you all! Until next time, please remember that:

YOU ARE LOVED.

YOU MATTER.

YOU ARE WORTH IT.

YOU CAN BE LOYAL IN ALL YOUR RELATIONSHIPS.

Getting Our BUTs in Gear 2014

Hi, friends!  I'm back and I'm hoping the share this post so much and get so many people on board with this idea that I've had that there will be no print, just words and an invitation today. :)

This year has started less than stellar.  My goal has been to focus more on the positive in 2014 and I think God is trying me mightily--He wants to see if I am serious.  And since I am, I've had an idea growing inside of me.  I hope that it is something that each of you will consider doing along with me so that we can strengthen one another as women.  And I guess men are more than welcome to join as well. ;)

So, as I've struggled the last week through the second illness of the year, I had a thought come to my mind.  I had been watching this video about girls who were participants, along with their mothers, in a study of what beauty is.  I was incredibly saddened as I listened to girls talk about things that had been said to them and women talk about issues they didn't want to perpetuate in their daughters.  The end up having this amazing photo gallery where people come and write nice things on their undoctored "selfie" shots. It was nice.  Why can't we be like that all the time?  Genuinely kind in our comments?

Then I watched this video about women who have overcome different life trials and want to seek the good.  Could I be the same as woman #2 who really couldn't brag about myself for a minute?  Hmmm...

Lastly, I watched the video below.  I love the message and I knew I needed to be reclaimed...



I started thinking about how I self talk.  You know, what you say about yourself.  I am really proud of some of the things I accomplish, but I don't always admit it to myself and I rarely share good news with anyone beside my husband.  Sometimes my family and a few close friends, but now very many people.  Isn't that a shame?!  What an opportunity to share with others how good God is to me and how He has blessed my life!  What a selfish way to thank Him.  I also thought about all the unkind things I internalize on a daily, hourly, sometimes minute by minute basis and realized that it was the same selfishness.  I am a daughter of God.  He made me.  He loves me.  And I am enough as I try daily to better myself.  I need to share that more, too!

After that, I started thinking about how my attitude towards myself is reflected in how I view others.  I realized that I will grudgingly allow certain people their "one good quality" and then list in my mind all the things I dislike about them at times.  I'm sure you've done it, too.  If not, good for you!  PLEASE JOIN THIS--I need your help!  It's time for me to get my BUTs in gear.

Here's an example of what I'm talking about.  I don't particularly like everything that everyone around me does all the time.  But guess what, we're human, right?  Well, I've gotten into this habit of saying things like, "Well I know she helps in such and such a way, BUT ALL THESE BAD THINGS SHE DID (to me or others) DON'T BALANCE THAT 'one good quality' OUT."

Hmmm...judging.  Yep.  THAT IS JUDGING.  And it is NOT ok.  What if, instead, when someone did something HUMAN (like I do, right), I said, "She did this bad thing that I don't like, BUT she does all these good things!"  That sounds so much nicer.  And so much more positive!

My goal is to eventually get rid of BUTs and only see the good.  It will be hard.  If this month has proven anything to me, IT WILL BE HARD.  BUT (this is a good one of those), I think it will be worth it.  I've learned that the hardest things I've done have been the most rewarding.

So, here's my invitation to you.  Join me!  Each Friday, I'll add a linky to my BUTs post where you can add a story or short post, or whatever you like from anywhere you can link from that will encourage us to get our BUTs in gear.  It could be a story on how you learned to love yourself that week.  Or you child(ren), or someone around you.  Husband love!  Neighbor love!  EVERYONE love!  Let's get our lives reclaimed by God so that His love can shine through us and we can be a power for GOOD in a world that so desperately needs it!

I hope you join me!  If you'd like to, please add a link to your blog or other online presence below so that I can leave you some love!  I want to make this HUGE, so please grab the blog badge up top and add it to your blog--it should be linked back to here, but if not, let me know  Let's get our BUTs in gear in 2014, all!

I'll be back on Friday with by first BIG (BUTs in Gear) post!  Hope you join me again then! :)

I'm linking this up with: Time Warp Wife, Growing Home: Teach Me Tuesday, Titus 2 Tuesday, Wise Woman Link Up.

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Key to My Heart

Well, this is the third and final Valentine post for me this week!  I hope you've been enjoying the prints I've created for you!

I've got just this last one, so I want to know--WHAT TO MAKE NEXT?!  I've got a print that I've made for the beginning of next week that is all artsy and about creating, but I would like to know what things you'd like to have around for your inspiration!  Leave me a comment below and I'll try to make your wishes come true! :)

And now...let's take a peek at the print!  This one is smaller than the other's I've made--they've all been 8" x 10" and this is a 4" x 6" print.

Here it is~

I went for a bit more shabby chic and used some different colors on this one.  I think it's so pretty!  I hope you agree!

Today I'd like to just talk about how much I love my hubby.  He hates it when I sing his praises, but I honestly couldn't ask for a better man.  He serves me daily, spoils me, and puts my needs first.  I don't know what I did to deserve him, but I will be ever grateful to my Heavenly Father for allowing me to be his eternal companion!

I'm striving to strengthen my marriage by doing a few things.  I'd like to share them with you because I've seen such a positive effect on my relationship with my sweetheart.  Some of these may be no-brainers for some of you, but I think they're good reminders!

1. Lessen time spent on electronic devices and in front of the TV when with your husband.  We had gotten into a bad habit of just sitting down to watch the telly each night and not really talking to each other.  I also had let my blogging and other electronic fun stuff get in the way.  I'm still working on this, but I'm trying to make sure that I spend less time involved with the internet than my eternal companion.  I dare say the internet won't matter too terribly much in the hereafter...
2. Eat meals together.  Yes.  I said mealS.  Plural.  I know when kids are involved that it is hard to eat breakfast together, but try to.  I've been trying to make sure I breakfast and dinner with my husband every day and it makes a huge difference!  Instead of leaving a cold and silent house, I can let my hubby know his day is important to me and that I want it to go well.  This has been especially important when he has stressful things going on at work.  I want him to look forward to coming home!
3. Encourage your husband to share his feelings.  Yep.  Men don't like to do this.  I've been working my entire marriage on this, and I feel like FINALLY, after 9 1/2 years of marriage, I know more about how my husband is feeling than I ever have before.  I have made sure that my husband knows that what we talk about will always be kept confidential if he wants it to be.  He can trust me and I can trust him. It's wonderful to have that kind of relationship!

Yes, we pray together and read scriptures together, so that isn't something NEW I'm working on.  But that is literally what has kept our marriage together through all the difficulties we've encountered.  Serving God together also strengthens our relationship.

So, second question of the post.  How do you strengthen your marriage?  Let's share and help each other out by encouraging positive practices! :)  AND--don't forget to grab the print above and use it for PERSONAL USE ONLY. HUGS to you all!

Happy Valentine's Day!!!

Just a quick post to wish you all a very Happy Valentine's Day!  If you feel like you're not loved today--you're wrong!!!  YOU ARE LOVED!!!  And the best way to feel loved is to share YOUR love with other people!  You'd be amazed how loved and how much love you feel for others when you serve them.  It doesn't have to be a gift, it would be something as simple as a hello or a smile!  Start small, then work your way up!!!  God's love will then fill your entire being!  Now, for some crafty & YUMMY sharing...

Here's a little treat I created for my co-workers~

Isn't that fun?!  Heart shaped jelly beans!  All different cherry flavors!  The glitter paper I used is by Recollections and all other supplies used are by Stampin' Up!.

The love of MY life~

What my darling husband made me~

He's so amazing to me!  I'll never forget how upset I was when we were first married and he didn't bring me flowers (still doesn't) and/or candy or any of those other romantic things husbands are "supposed" to do.  You want to know what I discovered within the first few months of marriage?  He shows his love for me by serving me.  And he was much happier than I was about our relationship.  So, I now appreciate his service--that is true love--and I try to reciprocate...so I guess I'd better get offline and go make his Valentine's gift! (It's food again...Neapolitan cake balls to be exact...maybe I'll blog about them later...)

Anyway, don't ever forget that you are loved!  If you don't believe me, email me and I will send you proof!  If you know you're loved, pay it forward in an act of service today, friends!!!  HUGS have a Christ centered day!!! :)

Journey Ramblings

Do you like the title?  It's a kind of warning to you all--I am writing this for personal reasons and it is going to get rambly and has the potential to offend.  It's me, after all!  Know that if you are reading this that I harbor no ill will towards anyone at this time and that all this genuine.  Also, this post is not going to show up on my Facebook page because I don't want people to think I'm writing to show people how "good" I think I am.  Because the only goodness I have is from God.  To HIM be all the glory.  I'm also not writing to blame or to point fingers.  No names will be mentioned in this post.  If you think you resemble these situations, perhaps it is coincidental and you shouldn't feel offended.  I'm writing this for ME.  I'm writing to remind myself NEVER to go back to where I was but to keep going forward to stay happy like I am now.

So, what did I want to write?  I want to write about how I have become happier than I have ever felt in the face of adversity and about things staying the same that I want to change while things that I wanted to stay the same changing.  Maybe that makes sense, maybe not, but that's the best way I could say it...

Anyway, there's part of the rambling, lol!  I am recovering from my first ever bout of "inactivity" that included not attending all my church meetings.  That is NOT me.  I'm serious.  Even if I've been inactive in the sense that I have plateaued and need to do better or fall back, I have NEVER purposefully not gone to church.  I did this for about seven months from August 2011 to February 2012.  I only attended sacrament meeting.  Sometimes I stayed for Sunday School, but only about two times that whole time period.  And nobody really noticed. Except my dearest friend and husband.  This is not me, as I stated before.  I have always enjoyed serving at church and especially as a visiting teacher.  I never stopped my visiting teaching--I am so glad it never got that bad.

I thought it was GREAT at first because I could study my lessons and learn by myself without those strange comments that people make that made me go "WHAT?!" in my head, and I'm sure on my face.  It happens to the best of us.  Sometimes we just make those comments, you know?  It was so much easier than sitting in class with a bunch of people who didn't even notice when I wasn't there, too.  Then I could be justified in my feelings of hatred.  Anyway, I did study my lessons and things for the first bit but then I just stopped.  I never stopped reading my scriptures and praying, just doing the other things that I knew I needed to do.

Why did I come back?  Well, I will tell you that it was for sure NOT because someone reached out and tried to help me come back.  Seriously.  Not one person really ever asked where I was or called to check up on me.  Or if they did, I am not aware of it or I was so selfish that I willed not to remember it because I wanted to be justified.  I had asked to not have visiting teachers because I have only had one sister come regularly the entire 5 years we had been in this ward and I was sick of feeling like I was not important.  I would rather know that someone wasn't coming because I personally asked them not to than to know it was because I was not important enough to pick up a phone to call.  Ever felt that way?  I bet you have. 

I bet you've also felt like I did when I cried out to God and asked Him if it could all just end because I was SO weary.  Not just tired.  Not just sad.  WEARY.  Soul crushing, head splitting, tear falling weariness that was only increased because of the sad choice that I had made to withdraw myself.  That's who really was to blame--me.

It's easy to say, "Well she should have called me" or "They should have noticed" or "He is the problem."  It's easy to think that nobody will miss you when it's been supported by the actions of those around you.  She probably "should have" called me.  But she didn't.  Doesn't excuse you.  They probably "should have" noticed.  But they didn't  Doesn't excuse you.  He might be PART of the "problem."  So what?  Doesn't excuse you.

I'm glad that nobody reached out (that I remember or am aware of--certain people did when I came back and that's usually how it goes).  Heavenly Father knew I needed to do this ALONE.  Because I'm a very strong-willed prideful daughter and He needed me to be humbled.  I thank Him for this.  It is a great blessing to me now.  Also, I realize now that people gave me space because that's what my actions had told them I wanted.  So who's to blame now?  Yep.  ME.

I also just want to put in a disclaimer really quickly--YOU SHOULD NEVER try to tell someone that they are the problem or that they need to change.  Unless you are a family member or a leader that can lovingly express the concern, you should NEVER try to convince someone that they are the problem.  Because you might be part of the problem and your trying to convince someone that they are the problem makes the problem bigger.  Speaking from an experience of a dear sister and friend of mine.  This situation really isn't me, it's someone else.  Why am I trying to convince you?!  It doesn't matter if you believe me or not, lol!  Anyway, my sweet sister and friend is sick of "being the problem."  WAKE UP you guys!  Fix your own self!  Look at me being all hypocritical in a sense.  But seriously, we need to take care of ourselves first.  Please.  Don't tell someone that they are a "problem." Each of us is needed and should feel only LOVE from us, not that we are a "problem."  Myself included, let's stop pointing fingers and fix our own selves.  We all know that we have so much to work on.  That's enough to take upon ourselves to "fix."  Fix you.  That's my goal.

I bet you're wondering why I'm telling you this.  It's because I realize now that the problem was ME.  It DOES NOT MATTER who didn't notice that I wasn't there because even though my husband did, there were others who also noticed but could not tell me because I had distanced myself from them purposefully.  God noticed.  My Savior noticed.  My family and friends who have passed on noticed.  It was because of them that I went back.  Seriously--you're thinking I'm incredibly crazy.  I kind of am...

The choice to go back was extremely hard.  I put it off month after month until one night I was laying in bed listening to my husband sleep.  I realized that if I didn't come back to church that our relationship would end when we left this life.  God only keeps covenants with us when we keep our end of the bargain.  I wasn't.  I also realized that if I didn't go back, I would NEVER see my friends and family that had passed on.  I wouldn't see my parents EVER again.  I would be alone.  I had thought that this was what I wanted.  I was stupid to believe that this choice only effected me.  It effected millions of people--some I don't even know right now.

And what about the children that we have tearfully prayed for and been anxious for?  What would have happened if we had them and I didn't feel the need to take them to church?  Our family was doomed.  Literally.  Everything rested on my one decision to go back to church.  And since I don't like to be called a wimp, I did.  With a bad attitude.

I started to help my husband teach his Primary class one week when his teaching partner hadn't shown up.  I was on medication that made it really hard for me to be restricted when I ate, drank, and went to the bathroom.  When I was asked to team teach Primary with my husband, I didn't want to do it.  I used the medication as an excuse to have to "think about it."  After a month, I grudgingly accepted.

I had a blast with the kids in our class.  But only during class time.  I found myself completely overwhelmed when we were in sharing/singing time because things were chaotic.  I am an educator by trade, and the way the children were allowed to act seriously shocked, scared, and saddened me.  I let it eat at me.  I tried to help in my way, but nothing changed.  I asked to be released shortly after school was back in session because I felt that I just could NOT handle that stress and the stress that accompanies the beginning of the school year when working with children who have severe mental disabilities.  Now I realize that this sad choice has actually become a positive turning point.  I love how God can do that for us when we finally want to sincerely repent.

The week after I was released, I seriously thought that I would start just going home after Sacrament Meeting again.  And then I remembered that sweet night when the sound of my amazing husband's breathing led me to realize the true desperation of my situation.  What did I value?  I had asked to be released of my own free will and choice.  It was MY decision.  That decision meant that I now had to attend Sunday School (that's fine) and Relief Society (UGH).  Yes, I used to hate going to Relief Society.  Not any more.

I went to Sunday School.  I almost left afterwards to go home.  I FORCED myself to stay put and sit all alone and feel miserable.  It was MY fault.  I didn't even say hi to anyone even though a few sisters did come and approach me.  I was cold, distant, and slightly rude.  I had more miles to go before happiness could show its face in my life again.

So, when did it?  When I decided that I needed to serve again.  Not in a calling, but just because that is part of the covenant I made with my Father when I was baptized.  I promised to serve those around me and to love those around me.  There were no exclusions clauses in this covenant.  It wasn't to serve and love those around me IF they loved me and served me the way I thought they should.  It wasn't to serve and love those around me IF I liked them and they were "my type of people."  It wasn't to serve and love those around me IF they didn't "use" me for my talents and then ignore me everywhere else.  It wasn't to serve and love those around me IF they were nice to me.  The covenant I made was to serve and love those around me.  PERIOD.  By the way, I do not have a calling right now (aside from being a visiting teacher) and I think that I am okay with this.  Which is also not me.  I like to be in charge...I'm working on this.

I am so glad for a few things that happened while all of this was going on.  Firstly, I got a new visiting teaching companion.  I was unhappy about it at the time because I felt that it was done to spite me and to tear me away from some very good friends.  I see now that God can be in everything that is done even if it is done for the wrong reason, or rather, what I consider to be the wrong reason.  We eventually got an route that included two sisters who are new to our ward.  Very great blessing in deed.

That is another thing I am happy for is that many new sisters and their families moved into the ward.  I reached out to them in hopes that they would have heard nothing about me and would not judge me.  Isn't that selfish?  But you know what, it lead to service for the right reason--because I love them and I want them to gain eternal happiness.  This then lead me to want to reach out to all the other sisters and their families in our ward (that I felt had wronged me, perhaps they "have" but that is no good excuse for MY behavior) because when you serve, you are filled with the love of Christ and it GROWS.  It is so wonderful!

A third thing that I am happy for is a pregnancy "scare" that turned out to be just that--a "scare."  Every October around General Conference time, I get seriously depressed because I am not pregnant and that means that I am not good enough to have children, right?  And then I don't watch General Conference because I am angry at God.  But this past October, I missed my period.  I was so excited to think we would FINALLY have a pregnancy and I just KNEW that this one would not end in miscarriage.  I was never pregnant, but I watched all of General Conference because I wasn't depressed and didn't know any differently.  And when my period came in November, I was okay with it because Heavenly Father had allowed me to feel of His love through situations that could be considered "sad."  As I type this, I am realizing that "sad" experiences can make us very happy.  Because happiness is a choice.  Having no children is bearable knowing that if I strive to keep my covenants they will come in another life.  This satisfies my hunger for motherhood in the traditional sense.

The last thing I am grateful for is all the babies being born to my friends and sisters right now.  Isn't that a crazy thing for me to be grateful for after what I just told you?  I'm grateful for it because for the FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE, I not only attended my first baby shower--I THREW IT.  I threw a baby shower because I am no longer bitter that I may never be a mother in the traditional sense this life.  I am not even "resigned" to it.  I am embracing it!

I can do SO many things that mothers of small children cannot.  I can serve them.  At a moment's notice.  I can stop what I'm doing and GO when I need to.  When that prompting comes, I can act on it without having to find a babysitter.  My husband and I can babysit for a couple with young children so that they can go a date night when they can't afford a babysitter because, in reality, any night can be date night for us.  We can help families out by watching their children for them so they can attend to other obligations.  In that we are fulfilling our role of parenthood.  We still love and seek out the Primary children even though we both no longer serve as Primary workers.  They can in a sense be our children because we taught them and can show them kindness each week we see them and listen to them and laugh and be happy because of their sweet spirits.  We can have them in our home and feel of their perfection as we play and have fun with them.

God is SO good and SO great.  He is a perfect Father with a perfect love for His imperfect daughter.  He knew how to humble her so that she could find peace and happiness.

I now can truly say with certainty and integrity that I do love all those around me.  That doesn't mean I don't get annoyed by peoples' actions or even make judgements at a split second when I hear, read, see, or am told about things.  I am working on this.  I am working on forgiving not only things people have done to me, but forgiving people of things they might do.  It also doesn't mean that everyone will believe me or think me genuine.  I might seem fake to some.  I get it.  Because I've felt the same way before.  Because we are ALL human.  That means I must try harder and smarter--I need to get on my knees and pray to know what I need to do to make this situation better.

We are all a family.  And we ALL have issues.  And we can make allowances for others.  We should make allowances for others.  Then God can make allowances for us.  And we can be happy.  We should and can choose to be happy.

Happy NOW.

Happy in the face of adversity--whether self inflicted or placed upon us because we must learn something.

Happy our whole lives.

Happy for ETERNITY.

Through the Atonement of our Savior and the mercy of a kind and loving Father in Heaven, we can be families for eternity.  We can live in love and unity.  But it takes each of us being willing to do this.  One person can't do it alone.  A few people can't start a group to "make" it happen.  We each must use our agency to create it.  And it starts in our homes.

I am SO thankful for my husband who will never stop loving and supporting me, for my parents who taught me from a young age the truth of the restored gospel, for my righteous and enduring family and friends on the other side of the veil.  Without them, I wouldn't be where I am.  I would be in my own realm of misery that I had started creating for myself or else dead.  I am not kidding about that.  I am especially thankful for the Atonement of our Savior that I have been able to utilize and KNOW I will be utilizing for the rest of my life and for a loving Father in Heaven who perfectly knows and loves me and allows me to fail so that I can learn.

I will not be allowing comments on this post.  Please feel free to email me if you wish to.  I will do my best to get back to you. :) 

Strong Families Start With Strong Marriages

Since I'm home sick, I thought I'd share another printable with you really quickly!  This one features a quote from Elder Perry's talk about becoming goodly parents.  I used a quote about marriage as the focus.  You might find this strange that I would focus on a quote about marriage from a talk about parenting, but it has been my experience that you can only be a goodly parent if you are living in harmony within your marriage first.

Here is the quote~

I am so grateful to have the husband that I have.  I know some of you might get sick of me saying this, but my husband is the best man in the world!  This week as I've been sick, he has taken care of me like nobody else--not even my mother--ever has or will.  He is just amazing. 

I know that as we continually strive to make our marriages second priority in our lives--second only to our relationship with God--that we will find so much more happiness and peace in this world.  Marriage is the only way that men can become like God.  It is the foundation for a happy home and happy families. 

Any time that I felt unhappy with my life during our short stint with foster care, I knew that I needed to work on strengthening my marriage.  It helped me get through it.  Anytime I feel that something in my life is not right now, striving to strengthen my marriage has opened up windows to me about what I need to do to become more perfect.  These insights usually come as my dear love and I talk to each other nightly about everything. 

I am so grateful to God for the amazing husband that I have.  I am grateful for my husband's parents who prepared him to be the man he is today.  I am grateful for the Atonement of the Savior that helps my husband and me to perfect our marriage and our lives.  I hope that each of you takes the time today to do something to strengthen your marriage.  It will bless you in ways that you never thought possible!

Please feel free to use this printable for PERSONAL USE ONLY.  More info about printing policies and disclaimers can be found under the tab at the top of my blog.  Happy printing! :)

Family, Friends, & Fellowship: Service in Marriage

Hello! Welcome to another segment in my Family, Friends, & Fellowship series!  This week, I will be talking about the incredibly important need for service in our marriages.

A lot of what I will be sharing is personal and I want you to know that I am not sharing these things so that you think that I have a "perfect" marriage and that my husband and I are "perfect" spouses!  My DH and I have issues that pop up every now and then, we're human!  BUT, I am sharing these things to show you that it is POSSIBLE and it is IMPORTANT.  I feel that I have an amazing marriage, but I know that I could also consider it an awful marriage if my attitude and actions were differently.  So, let's get down to it, shall we?

Isn't this a darling picture?! ;D

I'd like to start out by asking you some questions about your marriage.  This is personal.  Just think of the answers in your head.  Be HONEST with yourself.

1. Do you ever feel that your spouse doesn't appreciate your efforts?
2. Do you ever feel that your spouse doesn't help you in the demands in your life?
3. Do you ever feel that you are not good enough for your spouse?
4. Do you ever feel that you do ALL the work in your marriage?
5. Do you ever fell that you can't do anything right?

I said yes to a few of those.  I tried to ask questions on a broad spectrum to include everyone in answering YES to at least one.  I'm sure you did--don't lie to yourself!  Okay, do you want to know a way to help with YOUR attitude (you can only change you...)?  The answer is simple--service!

You cannot change anyone in your marriage except for YOU.  If you'd like to know exactly what type of a spouse you should be, listen to the words of President James E. Faust, "I urge husbands and fathers of this Church to be the kind of men your wives would not want to be without. I urge the sisters of this Church to be patient, loving, and understanding with their husbands. Those who enter into marriage should be fully prepared to establish their marriage as the first priority in their lives."

 Marriage is the FIRST priority in our lives.  Not second after our calling or the kids, not third after ourselves and the kids or our calling and the kids.  FIRST.  Men and women are different.  You have to understand that in order to have a good marriage, and service is a way to help you realize how important your spouse is to you and your Father in Heaven.

There are so many ways that you can serve daily in your marriage, it just takes a little effort!  It gets easier as you understand your spouse better and what is important to him/her.  Let me give you an example from my wonderful husband.

I work for the local school district with children who have special needs.  It is incredibly stressful and I am exhausted when I get home and feel like there is no time to get things done most of the time.  I also like to be prepared for the morning so that I can just be ready to go after showering and dressing.  There are nights when I am in the middle of a project and forget that I need to make my lunch for the next day.  Most of the time when this happens, I'll make my way to the kitchen feeling incredibly frustrated.  On almost all of these occasions, my DH has made my lunch for me.  He knows that it is something that is important to me.  I could get up in the morning and make my lunch, but because  he knows that I like to have it made the night before, he supports my desire and makes up for my inability to get to it when I'd like to.  He's awesome!

Now, I want you to know something--your spouse might not do this for you, but don't get upset!  If this is something that you'd like them to do, all you need to do is ask nicely!  BUT, I will tell you that they will be more willing to help you out if you've already been helping them.

I help my husband with his lunches by packaging up left overs from dinner--this way he can grab what he wants and put it in his lunch box the next morning.  He doesn't like me to "pack" his lunch, but he appreciates my packaging up leftovers so he can choose his lunch each morning.  I also try to leave kind notes in his lunchbox.  After about 5 years of marriage and me doing this, imagine my surprise when I opened my lunch at work and saw a note from him to me!!!  Did I complain that I did something for him that he didn't do for me?  Nope.

Marriage is not about you do this for me and then I'll do this for you.  It's about service and helping each other.  And now, some marriage math!  Each marriage partner needs to give 100%, not just 50%, to their marriage.  Now, it's never going to be "equal" in the sense that service is the same.  Also, there are times when we need to give 115% because our spouse can only give 85% because work is stressful or there are other pressures on them at the time.  But try as hard as you can to always give 100% because you never know when you'll need your spouse to make up for your lacking!  It takes work...

Elder Bruce C. Hafen has said, "Temple marriage covenants do not magically bring equality to a partnership. Those covenants commit us to a developmental process of learning and growing together—by practice....equal partnerships are not made in heaven—they are made on earth, one choice at a time, one conversation at a time, one threshold crossing at a time. And getting there is hard work."

Equal does not mean the same.  We know that 2+2 is equal to 4.  But both sides of the equation are not the same.  It's the same in our marriages--when each person strives to serve to the best of their ability, the equation will be the same on both sides even if they look different.  You equation may look something like this:

1 hour at home + 2 jobs + 1 calling = 1 day at home + 2 children to look after + 1 calling

or

1 husband who is a bishop + 1 meal eaten at home + 1 job = 1 wife + 1 great day of cooking + 1  job

or

1 spouse struggling with depression = 1 spouse doing all the work needed to live

Do you see how the numbers work out, even if the service is different? It takes a personal choice to see the equality in our marriages even if we don't feel it always.  But when each person is doing their best to serve at 100%, marriages will be strengthened and become happier and more functional.

I hope that the things I've talked about today have helped you.  I know that even when dealing with someone that you feel is "difficult" that the best way to come to love them is to serve them.  This is how to show Christ-like love and how we can keep the Savior's commandment to "...love one another, as I have loved you." (John 15:12)  There is no other institution that is more important to keep this commandment in than in our marriages is my testimony.

Please take some time today to ponder how service can help uplift your marriages and turn your home into a haven from the world.  Have a wonderful day! :)

Thoughts on Marriage: A Tribute to My Fabulous Husband

 I've been quite remiss in my General Conference and Sunday School studies...I need to do better!  And so, I shall.  

I have just read Elder Boyd K. Packers talk from the past Saturday morning session of General Conference and, while I very much enjoy the whole talk, I would like to talk about the opening quote because it really struck me.

Elder Packer says, " Husbands and wives should understand that their first calling—from which they will never be released—is to one another and then to their children."

The part I want to focus on from that quote is the truth that husbands' and wives' first calling is to one another.  I am blessed to be in a very loving marriage.  I know this is largely due to my DH who is constantly willing to sacrifice for me and our family.  I've decided to make a printable using this quote, and I'd like to share it with you.

Here it is~

We have been unable to have children in our 8 years of marriage, we have experienced things that should have torn us apart.  The reason that they didn't?  We believe in the power of the marriage and sealing covenants that we made in the temple.

 Let me tell you a few tales from our precious 8 years that have effected me to my soul.  I am hoping that by writing a few of these experiences that someone else will be helped and not make the same mistakes I've made.  I'm thinking these thoughts have come to mind because one of my younger sisters is getting married at the beginning of August.  I think I'll tell her to read this... ;D

Romance?

When we were first married, my DH didn't ever bring me flowers or chocolates.  I was a bit appalled.  Why wasn't he concerned about showing me how much he loved me?  As you guessed, this was my selfish feelings getting the better of me.  As I prayed to know that my husband, shy by nature and incredibly quiet, really did love me, I came to know him better through the Holy Ghost.  My Father in Heaven is also the Father of my DH.  He taught me things about my husband that I was unable to see with my limited view of romance and love.  I realized that my husband loved me more than I could ever know.  He showed his love not by bringing me flowers and chocolates, but by serving me.

"And behold, I tell you these things that ye may learn wisdom; that ye may learn that when ye are in the service of your fellow beings ye are only in the service of your God." Mosiah 2:17

I was too naive to realize at the time that the best husband to have was one that put God first.  As my DH served me each day by helping with housework and listening and talking to me, he was putting God first by serving his wife.  How wonderful I felt when I realized that the love my husband had for me would be truly lasting and would not fade with time!  It wasn't based on looks or the thrill of gift giving.  My DH wanted our marriage to be based on service to one another and ultimately to God.  I am eternally grateful for my DH's willingness to serve.  He serves not only me, but anyone around him that is need of service.  Because of his example, I have come to find even greater joy in serving those around me.  And we are happy serving together!

Lessons learned: Service is the greatest form of love that we can show one towards another--especially in a marriage.  The world's view of romance is not lasting--the only love that lasts is love given from God.  We find this love through service.

I'm free!

 

 I tend to be incredibly strong willed.  That's a nice way of saying stubborn.  I like to make my own choices and to do what I like to do.  Since I am the oldest of 9 children, I did learn from living with 11 people in one home to work with others and to share, etc. for which I am eternally grateful.  I have no idea what I would be like if I didn't have parents who taught me these principles.  Seriously.  It would be B-A-D.

Anyway, I was sooooo excited to get married and leave home because it would mean more time doing what I wanted to do!  Right? WRONG.  I learned very s-l-o-w-l-y the importance of spending quality time with my DH.  I started out our marriage still spending a lot of time with my friends.  I didn't want to be one of "those" people who ignored their lives when they were first married.  I used my personal day off of work to not go on a date with my husband of less than a year, but to go and spend time with my friends.  I felt that since we were the only 2 in our family, we didn't need to have family home evening and I could still go to Single's Ward activities with my single friends on Monday nights.

"Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh." Genesis 2:24

Now, should you have NO friends when you are married?  Of course not!  But I realize now looking back that I spent too much time with friends, leaving my DH at home to do all the housework, because I felt like I was entitled to this since I was working full time and going to school part time while my husband was working only part time...forgetting that he was going to school full time and therefore working just as hard, if not harder, than myself. My DH never complained--he has always supported me in what I want to do and let me come to my own realizations about how to spend my time, even when I know that he really wanted to spend time with me.  This was a commandment from God.  I was making it very hard for him to keep this commandment.  He has taught me so much about compromising and the importance of spending TIME in a marriage together.

Lessons learned: Spending time with family should trump spending time with friends.  Both partners in a marriage should be considered and have a say when one of them would like to do something and a compromise should take place. Quality time is essential in a marriage--if you don't see each other, what is the point of being married?!  This is a commandment from God.

Nagging is NOT helpful...

Yes.  I used to nag my DH at times.  It was never all the time, but when I had asked him to do something once, I felt that nagging was justified.  I had asked him once, right?  He is a grown adult that should KNOW what to do!  This took place quite a bit in the first few months of our marriage.

Side note--I just realized I should ask my DH if I could post this...he asked exactly what I was writing about and I told him.  He wants me to tell you that I am not a nagging wife.  Isn't he precious?! ;)  He really is the best husband...

" A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger." Proverbs 15:1

Okay, back to my nagging!  It really bothered me that my husband wasn't doing what I asked him (okay, told him) to do!  What was wrong with him?!  NOT.  What was wrong with ME.  I prayed about what to do about my less than patient attitude towards my DH.  You know what God told me?  I needed to realize that I was the problem.  My DH and I grew up in completely different families and learned how to do things in different ways.  Also, men and women are different.  THEY ARE.  We think differently and react differently to situations.  I decided to lighten up.

You know what happened?  I became A LOT happier!  I saw that if I asked my DH to do something for me, he would.  It might not happen right away, but it got done!  If I didn't watch him clean the bathroom, I didn't have to worry about HOW it got clean.  And it was still clean after he finished--probably cleaner than when I did it!

Lessons learned: Allow people to use their agency!  It's too hard to worry about someone else AND yourself when it comes to daily tasks when all involved are adults.  YES.  Men are adults.  They are not like women and react to things differently.  Allow them to have their differences and embrace them!  They even us out. 

And the last one...

Accepting Help & Staying Positive

As I stated before, I am stubborn.  Along with being stubborn, I tend to feel that when one thing goes wrong, everything is going to be horrendous.  WRONG.

My DH told me that when he asked permission from my parents to marry me (he really did) that my father told him that I needed help in this area.  My DH did not tell me this until just a few years ago.  Good thing!  I think I would've been livid and/or depressed that I couldn't be positive, lol!

I realize now looking back to the beginning of our marriage that I brought a lot of stress into our relationship by being incredibly stressed out by every day situations.  Things happen in life--I don't like it when things don't happen according to my plan.  Luckily, my DH continually has shown me a good example of staying calm and finding the good in the situation.  He also will say things like, "At least {this} didn't happen!  This could've been much worse!"  As I stated before, my husband is by nature very shy and quiet.  He would NEVER force anyone to do anything--even if he felt it was in their best interest.  He is a perfect example of gentleness and meekness when persuading others to do right.

"No power or influence can or ought to be maintained by virtue of the priesthood, only by persuasion, by long-suffering, by gentleness and meekness, and by love unfeigned..." Doctrine & Covenants 121:41

Because my DH doesn't force me to do things he thinks are right for me, I was able to see his example and to eventually soften to counsel that I would seek from him.  This really helped when we went to the doctor and were informed that we may not be able to ever have children.  My first thought after being told this was, "At least we have each other."  A few year prior to this, I would never have thought this.  My life would've been over.  I will always be grateful to my DH for his long suffering attitude towards helping me.  He continues to do this and I cannot express enough gratitude for this.

Lessons learned: Be willing to take righteous counsel from your righteous spouse.  Recognize that LIFE happens and that it's not the end of the world.  You can overcome all obstacles as marriage partners fully converted and dedicated to living the gospel of Jesus Christ.

Hopefully these stories will help other young women to realize their roles in their marriage and encourage them to strengthen their relationships with their husbands.  Nothing can bring as much happiness as a righteous marriage built upon gospel principles.  This is our first and most important calling in life!  Being married ROCKS, y'all! :)

Linking this post to Tell Me A Story, Word Art Wednesday, Titus 2sdays.