I was just called yesterday to be the Compassionate Service Coordinator in my ward and I feel very overwhelmed and very inadequate. For those of you not familiar with LDS jargon, the Compassionate Service Coordinator works with our local leaders to meet needs of members--such as meals when a baby is born or there is an illness, housecleaning when there is a long term issue, or child care when LIFE happens. I see that the Lord has been preparing me for this calling, but I couldn't sleep last night because I felt very upset.
You see, I had a dinner party planned for tonight to celebrate the 200th anniversary of "Pride & Prejudice" being published or whatever. I LOVE Jane Austen. I have some very good friends who also do, so I invited a few people over to celebrate. Yes, I know it's supposed to be Family Home Evening, but I just really felt I needed to do this.
Okay, so I was feeling guilty about this because there are some needs I am taking care of for families in the ward and I felt that I needed to drop my personal life and dive into my calling and go visit some sisters that I think need some love and support. I almost cancelled the dinner. I'm glad I didn't.
One of the friends who came is not a member of the Church and I wanted to introduce her to other members. She is amazing and I know that the gospel can help her and her family be together forever. Plus, she brought her adorable daughter! Yet I still felt guilty even after everyone had gone home. And then the email came.
The article in this email was about how we as women sometimes feel that we don't deserve "me" time because we have families and responsibilities that we need to attend to. The author says we should cut ourselves some slack--we should feel good when we do the everyday things because some people don't even do that! When we need to spend time on one thing instead of another and we truly feel it's the right thing to do, we shouldn't beat ourselves up! We second guess ourselves far too often...
Why would I feel that my original prompting to have a gathering of friends and fellowship with them was any less important than visiting the other sisters? Isn't tomorrow another day? I can do the things I was prompted to do tomorrow and it will still mean something. I know that what I prepared tonight was something that has the potential to make lives better. That is a worthy goal!
We need to trust ourselves more. If we are living the kind of life that God would have us live, He will guide us to do HIS will and then we won't need to worry! I have time tomorrow after work to make a visit. I will do it--and it will be okay that it didn't happen right the very second I felt I had to. When you trust God, you can truly trust yourself because your desires are in the right place.
I think this calling will definitely help me trust in the Lord AND myself more. I am scared to death. I would've chosen something quite different if it was up to me. It wasn't. I'm glad--I'm sure I'll be even more glad at the end of this calling. Happiness is so wonderful! :)
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